Below is a political correspondent exclusive interview with Mayor Granny.
PC: During the recent campaign for Mayor of Eastsound an attempt was made to have the San Juan County Marine Resources Committee abandon their normally neutral position and come out to endorse you, Granny, for mayor of Eastsound. So we see that your candidacy has been extremely controversial right from the start. Now that you’ve been elected, why do you think you won by such a landslide, and given the overwhelming support, what kind of mandate do you feel you’ve brought to this position?
Granny: Well as you know, we ran a completely cutthroat campaign – native Cutthroat Trout, that is! Our policies are based on the trickle-down theory. The more fresh water that’s allowed to trickle down and run free without interference from ponds and culverts the better. While some of our opponents promised a chicken in every pot, or a bone in every bowl, we’re going to make sure there is a salmonid in every pool!
PC: So Granny, since you were elected Honorary Mayor of Eastsound, you’ve been doing a lot of spouting off lately about some of the issues facing San Juan County. Would you mind doing a little click, whistle and squeak about a few of those issues?
Granny: If you help create the right environment, supporting modern, infrastructure – such as eelgrass meadows, kelp beds, and feeder bluffs, you can spawn a lot of growth. It’s all about jobs and communities, really. With my pod at the helm, our programs will create more jobs for sea urchins, star fish and little neck clams, as well as sculpins and other underemployed marine workers. And you know it takes a community to raise a salmon. A healthy, diverse, biotic community, from purple mountains to shining sea. And you know, I’m tired of all the arguments about bipartisan-ships. Whether you want to steer the ship right, or steer the ship left, we’ve got to keep our ship off the rocks.
PC: So, Granny, what’s your position on immigration?
Granny: I know some species just need to migrate – like anadromous fish for example. It is in their genetic makeup. We need to break down the barriers to fish migration!
PC: What about defense?
Granny: We are really strong on defense. We need to defend our waters against pollution and the destruction of critical habitats. However, we’re against the armament race. The costly, destructive and excessive proliferation of shoreline armament is unsustainable. Defending the shores of this great County in that way – it’s an idea whose time has long since passed.
PC: Well, who would know better than you, Granny, that it is really all about our grandchildren and their grandchildren. On that subject, I guess it goes without saying how you feel about education and schools.
Granny: Yes, education is the key. With education we can take the appropriate actions and develop appropriate policies. And speaking of schools, I’m kind of hungry, and I promised my grandchildren we’d have lunch today. We call it the School Lunch Program.
