by Pam Jenkins

A few weeks ago, one of my kindergarten students asked me, “Isn’t it true that the good guys always win and the bad guys lose?” Sadly, I had to reply, “No, I’m afraid it isn’t always true.”

Over decades of teaching young children, I’m amazed at how interested so many are in the “good guys vs. bad guys” in all of its many forms, most of them involving violence of some sort. How much of this is a part of their need to feel empowered in an uncertain world in which they have little power, and how much of it is a result of the news, stories, movies, computer games, etc. that model violence acts between the “good guys” and the “bad”? Hard to say.

The last 10 years have certainly been full of senseless tragedy and loss through violent acts of intolerance and fear. From 9/11 to the recent shootings in Tucson, Ariz. to domestic violence and verbal-emotional abuse that too many children experience or witness at home, it’s so hard not to feel bone-deep helplessness and hopelessness about the human condition and our dream of a world where children no longer have to experience these things and the life-long trauma they cause. How do we create a more peaceful world for our children? How do we get to non-violent conflict resolution and communication on a personal, national and international level? How do we diminish bullying at all levels, intolerance and the fear and pain these cause?

It starts with each individual. You and me. It starts at home, at work, at school. It starts with assuming responsibility for our own choices to consciously infuse our day-to-day relationships with mutual respect. We must pay attention to our words and actions, and choose them carefully, avoiding language that blames, shames, criticizes and demands – language that inhibits compassion and contributes to self-defensiveness, self-righteousness and violence.

As I sat down this evening to reflect on my own words and actions, and those of my young students at school, I could see that we all have room for improvement. I want to be much more aware of what I do and say, so that I can always try to model and promote mutual respect and compassion.

You, too, can strive each day to be the change you’d like to see in the world, creating peace in your little piece of the world. Hopefully, the effects will ripple out through all of those you interact with – and beyond.

Let’s each tip the teeter totter toward the good in all of us, each day, one act at a time, making the world a kinder, gentler place for others, especially for our children.

If you’re interested in getting some support in learning how to do this, you can contact the Center for Nonviolent Communication, talk to Rena Patty on Orcas who is a certified trainer in Nonviolent Communication, and/or read “The Compassionate Classroom” written by Sura Hart and Victoria Kindle Hodson, or “Practicing Peace in Times of War” by Pema Chodron.

If you’re in a relationship where nonviolent communications is not a given, you can receive free, confidential counseling by calling 376-1234 for Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Services. They also help those who are experiencing emotional abuse in their close relationships.

If you have children at school, you can also talk to our Elementary School Counselor Moriah Armstrong at 376-1590.

Pam Jenkins is a teacher at Orcas Island Elementary.