Sex offenders rarely strike at random – they choose their victims carefully and can spend months, even years, building trust with a family.

Children are reluctant to report abuse, so it is up to parents, teachers, and the community to be aware of the signs, particularly of what is known as “grooming.”

There isn’t one type of sex offender: they are male and female, all ages, and have varying income levels. What they do have in common is manipulation. They are proficient at building relationships, smooth talking, and getting close to vulnerable families. Perpetrators don’t go for the strong, secure family units – they sense who will be easy to trick. And it’s not necessarily the parent’s fault; many don’t realize what is happening until it is too late.

Sex offender grooming behaviors include age regression, a lot of physical contact, interest in the same activities as the child, accidental touching of private parts, exposing the child to pornography, giving gifts, and wanting to spend a lot of time alone with the child.

Sexual abuse of children isn’t always assault – inappropriate conversations, exposure to sexual material, and unwarranted nudity are all harmful to a child. Don’t brush something off because it doesn’t fit a preconceived picture of what abuse looks like.

Pay attention to your kids. And that means really pay attention. Changes in behavior – however subtle – are signs that something is wrong. Is your child suddenly passive or withdrawn? Always watchful, waiting for something bad to happen? Is your star student doing poorly in school?

And that goes for adults who know a child or family who might be showing signs of abuse. While acting hastily can be disastrous if the suspicion is wrong, don’t wait to report your gut feeling. Let our Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Services know, and trust that it will be handled professionally.

How often does our instinct tell us what we need to know? And how often do we listen to it? Parents, even distracted and busy parents, know when something isn’t quite right with their children. Don’t let a man – or woman – get close to you because you are lonely or need someone to watch your children. If someone is too eager, there is probably a reason.

By being armed with knowledge, we can help stop child abuse before it starts.