The Islands’ Sounder interviewed Orcas Islander Jessica Fleming in honor of Mother’s Day, which is Sunday, May 14. Fleming is an infectious disease epidemiologist who works in international public health. She is the mom to nine-year-old Edela, a student at Salmonberry School.
Sounder: Did you always know you’d be a mom? How and when did you decide to enter into motherhood?
Jessica Fleming: When I was young, I had a picture in my mind of getting married in my late 20s and having four children, all before age 35. Knowing what I have now, I’m glad that didn’t pan out! I made an active decision to become a mother on my own in my early 40s. Bolstered by encouragement and love from family and friends rallying around me, I adopted my amazing daughter, Edela, three years later. I was helped along the way by two dear friends who were also exploring paths to motherhood, and we supported one another through the highs and lows of international adoption. Our three children, all born in Ethiopia, are stairsteps in age, now—8, 9, and 10 years, and the kids see each other as siblings.
Sounder: Tell us about your child.
JF: Even at 9 years old, my daughter is a wise soul. Having experienced a lot of change as a tiny baby, she is extremely adaptable, and I sometimes feel that she already has life all figured out. Edela is very kind, smart, funny, capable, and level-headed. She is full of curiosity about the world, and she is crazy about dogs!
Sounder: What did you learn from your own mom?
JF: My motherhood role models are my own mother, Marilyn, my sister, Shannon, and sister-in-law, Nicole. At the heart of each of their different parenting styles is the deep love and respect they have for their children, their appreciation of the unique characters of each child, and dedication to helping cultivate individual passions and talents. My mother gave me a wide berth to be adventurous, take chances and discover new things, but also gave me a lot of responsibility. It was supportive, but also reassuring and empowering. I strive to provide the same for my daughter.
Sounder: What have you learned from your child?
JF: Edela has taught me patience — the importance of savoring the small things and appreciating the journey as opposed to focusing on the destination. She’s a great dance teacher too — she taught me the Shirley Temple and Maxi Ford tap steps on a recent wait for a late ferry!
Sounder: What is the hardest part about being a mom? What is the best?
JF: I’m pretty independent, so the hardest thing about motherhood to me is feeling okay about asking for help. But what a gift when I do: neighbors and friends offering a ride to school; an afternoon play-date so I can take a work call; an invitation to dinner after a long day at work — Edela and I are living proof that it takes a village to raise a child! And I love seeing how my daughter benefits from and flourishes within our village. Without question, becoming a mother is the best thing I’ve ever done with my life; I thank my lucky stars every day that I get to share life with such an incredible individual.
