The real-life appearance of a sex offender is far from what most people imagine.
Instead of a scary stranger breaking into a woman’s house, picture this: a loving boyfriend who is great with his girlfriend’s kids; a trusted friend; a caring uncle. Between 85 and 90 percent of victims know their offender and many have a good relationship with those who eventually abuse them.
“Sexual abuse happens with people we know,” executive director of Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Services Anita Castle said. “If we’re not aware, we will keep reinforcing it. I’ve seen so many lives change after coming through these doors, and it starts by talking about what’s going on.”
April is National Sexual Assault Awareness month, and the theme this year is “Be the Solution.” The community can be agents of change by understanding that it all starts with each other. Some of the key points of the campaign are: no one deserves to be sexually assaulted, listen more than talk, intoxication is not solicitation, choice of clothes is not an invitation, and partners must communicate about consent –there is no gray area; yes means yes and everything else means no. Young men are asked to be part of the solution by interrupting violence and oppression. Bystander intervention is an important component of preventing sexual violence.
Castle says that offenders often look normal and take time to befriend vulnerable families, particularly single mothers. Domestic violence and sexual abuse also go hand-in-hand.
“I can’t tell you how many domestic violence cases involve non-consensual sex,” Castle said. “We think we’re exempt here. People come here to retire and live in a house with the white picket fence. We see a lot of the things that people don’t want to know about.”
DVSAS, which has offices on Orcas, Lopez, and San Juan, offers a variety of programs for victims, including medical and legal advocacy for children and adults, therapy, a 24-hour crisis line, safe homes, ESL classes, and education and prevention outreach. The organization offers help to children, teens, and adults. Castle says she sees a large number of adult survivors who seek treatment.
April is also Child Abuse Prevention month. Nationally, one in three girls and one in five boys will be the victim of sexual assault by the age 16. Castle says those who are abused as children are often those who grow up to be offenders themselves.
DVSAS is offering events in the coming weeks to promote awareness and raise funds for the organization.
The first annual DVSAS 5K run/walk, sponsored by Island Market, is on Sunday, April 26 at Orcas High School. Registration is at 8:30 and the competition begins at 10 a.m. Participants are encouraged to form teams and seek pledges to support the organization. Winners of the race will receive prizes from local businesses, and everyone can enjoy a ceremony and raffle after the event. Registration is $10; call 376-5979 for more information.
On Saturday, May 2, proceeds from a yard sale and bake sale at Country Corner Days will go to DVSAS.
Alcohol awareness
April is also Alcohol Awareness month. Orcas Island Prevention Partnership is sponsoring a series of activities for local kids.
On Friday, April 3, OIPP, in collaboration with Orcas Elementary School and Camp Orkila, will present a “Prevention Teach-In” with 165 students from Orcas, Lopez and San Juan. The group will meet for a day of workshops.
That same day, April 3, Michael Goude of Earth Tribe Percussions will lead a community drum circle at 6:30 p.m. at the Odd Fellows Hall. All ages are welcome.
On, Tuesday, April 28, the community forum “Teens and the Law” will have panelists Randy Gaylord, San Juan County prosecuting attorney, Sheriff Deputy Steve Vierthaler, counselor and social worker Michael Mele, and Michael Jennings, Juvenile Court officer.
