October is Domestic Violence Awareness month.

San Juan County’s Domestic Violence/Sexual Assault Services’ Executive Director Anita Castle describes the local agency as re-energized and ready to deal with both the origins and outcomes of the oppression and violence that DVSAS seeks to change.

Castle has recently returned from a conference with the Washington State Coalition of Domestic Violence, in Wenatchee, where the theme was “Caution: Men Working.”

Of the 400 conference attendees, over ten percent were men.

Indeed, says Castle, “domestic violence” is an antiquated term that refers to wife abuse and family violence. The term now favored is “intimate partner violence.”

“The coalition’s annual meeting changed the by-laws’ language from ‘women and children’ to ‘victims and survivors.’ Doesn’t that tell you something?” asked Castle. Whatever the term, the relevant element is “the disempowerment of people who don’t hold the privilege,” she said.

Keynote speaker at the conference was Paul Kivel, a social justice advocate for the past 27 years. His speech brought out that oppression, the basic cause of abuse and violence, happens all over; that child, spousal or intimate partner abuse is not only the classic “Battered Woman Syndrome.”

Castle says, “Battering isn’t the same experience for everyone; meaning the one-size-fits-all as the ‘battered women’s’ syndrome and the cycle of violence’s depiction doesn’t correlate with all relationships and families. This issue of ‘reexamining battering’ and being more inclusive about ‘all’ who are abused is important.”

“Intimate partner violence” is repeated behavior of coercive control over family members, over time, in a sexual, physical, emotional, or psychological manner.

“Men are abused also; you can’t exclude that fact,” says Castle. “Growing up in homes where children witness abuse makes the whole family a part of it. They are going to get stuck.”

By “stuck” Castle means frozen in a pattern of behavior that may have been adopted to survive, but over time has become part of the trap of domestic “homegrown” violence.

Men as well as women have “survived” living in a home where oppression and abuse leads to violence, and the root cause of that oppression is often poverty and the stresses it creates, Castle maintains.

Castle is glad to see the coalition of men involved, and the recognition that domestic violence and sexual abuse is not just a woman’s issue.

“In this county, there’s a stereotype that domestic violence is an incident where someone is beaten up. Yet even if the victim is beaten up, maimed, teeth knocked out, a jury will still bring in a non-guilty verdict because ‘She provoked it’ or ‘She hit him first.’

“There is an apathy among juries to look at this, that is really frightening,” said Castle, who added that people who ask, “Why doesn’t the victim just leave?” don’t understand the financial, family, and/or social situations of the victim and how difficult it is to change lives.

That is the task of agencies such as DVSAS.

The process of changing lives begins with changing thinking. The first requirements are providing a safe environment and building rapport, without judgment.

Many who go to DVSAS will say they are just surviving a crisis, but in the process of dealing with crises, oppression and violence, victims often feel hopeless and unable to change their lives.

One of the great questions to challenge people’s thinking, says Castle, is to ask them, if they woke up in the morning and their life had miraculously changed, what would that look like?

The classic answer is often, “I’d be rich.”

They may not be rich, but changing thinking from desperation and hopelessness to envisioning what being rich would mean often leads to planning smaller “miracles” such as paying bills, sending a child to preschool, and taking care of homes and work.

“That’s what’s great about counseling,” says Castle. “People’s lives are changed. They move from being emotionally stuck to their full-on age.”

“We’re a direct service agency,” says Castle. DVSAS provides ongoing counseling, individualized safety plans for starters. “It’s not about breaking up families or couples. It’s about options, improving communication, relieving stress, resolving conflicts.”

The Family Options program, supported entirely with community-raised funds, provides therapy to families and individuals.

DVSAS also operates a certified sexual assault program, with both legal and medical advocacy. They have two new employees, a Prevention Coordinator and Youth Advocate, Laura Trevellyan, and a community advocate, Melissa Davies.

She estimates that 20 percent of the 15,000 county residents have been assisted by DVSAS. “There are more successes than people would think.” The county-wide non-profit has been in operation since 1997. “We’re the stepchildren of non-profit work,” Castle said, referring to the funds DVSAS receives. “I love what I do. There’s no money in it, and sometimes it’s overwhelming to work with limited funding.

“But working with the people who come in our doors is a privilege; they took a risk coming here.” Castle adds that total confidentiality is always maintained, and advocates have been known to go offsite to meet clients.

Yet she says that the desperate picture that many associate with the agency’s work doesn’t tell the true picture.

The DVSAS motto is “Challenging abuse: changing lives,” and Castle says, “There are more success stories than gloom and doom.”

“We’re the way station; we hold people’s hands and help them grow and change and return to school. We watch a rebirth take place and it’s extremely gratifying to help adult children who are stuck in their development, who are traumatized and stuck with drug and alcohol problems and in abusive relationships, change their lives.”

Next spring, DVSAS plans a road show around the county explaining its victim services. Former Seattle Police Chief Norm Stamper, A DVSAS board member, will participate.

“With the non-guilty pleas that are coming in our legal system, we need to educate the community, people are going to be hearing from us. The prosecutors are educated – it’s the juries whose verdicts come from our own biases.

“Another important issue is the backlash from making an arrest. A victim wants intervention, but doesn’t want his/her life changed so drastically. An arrest is suppose to help the victim, but actually can hurt the victim more … the fallout (especially, for victims without resources),” said Castle.

Castle hopes to change social views about oppression and the legal system – the process and the result of domestic violence.

In the Orcas Office, Deborah Madan is the fiscal manager and Annie Lister is fiscal consultant. Dawn Parnell assists Castle, and Mary Nash and Barbara Ehrmantraut are advocates. They have come to DVSAS since the death of Gitte Sofaer in January 2007. “We’ve had a hard time since we lost Gitte,” Castle said, “But I’ve been re-energized with these new people. I have a loyal staff who do great work.”

Jan Osborn, legal advocate and Patty Brighton, volunteer coordination and community advocate, work out of the DVSAS office in Friday Harbor, next to the Spring Street Center. On Lopez, Suzie Marean is the DVSAS community advocate in the County Health department, next to the Sheriff’s Deputy’s office. On Orcas Island, the DVSAS office is in the Airport Center at the north end of Lovers Lane.

A training class will begin Friday, Oct. 24 and run on Monday, Oct. 27 and Tuesday, Oct. 28. The class is limited to 10 participants, and those interested should call DVSAS to register.

The website is www.dvsassanjuans.org