Man-eater Johnson & Johnson

Flounder reporter

Riding on a wave of success as the Orcas Island representative of San Juan County Council, Rick Hughes has set his sights a bit higher: Washington, D.C. Hughes officially announced his candidacy for president of the United States this past week.

“I really feel I have the ability to change the way this nation is being run,” said Hughes. “My experience on county council has triggered an insatiable desire to serve the people, and what better position of service to the people than that of president?”

The entire island of Waldron has become a campaign headquarters for Hughes. Political signs of support have sprung up all over the islands. The excitement is spreading, as Hughes is in talks with the Washington State Ferry System to paint “VOTE FOR HUGHES” on all of the ferries. Due to differing opinions with both of the major political parties, Hughes has launched a new party: The Orca Party.

“Just as the Republicans are represented by an elephant and the Democrats by a donkey, the Orca Party will be represented by an orca whale,” said Hughes. “It was pretty obvious to all of us to have an orca represent the Orca Party, of course.”

While other candidates wait until late in the campaign process to announce their running-mates, Hughes knew from the start who he wanted as his vice president.

“I’m really honored to be selected for such a prestigious position,” said Granny, the 104-year-old matriarch of the J pod and mayor of Eastsound.

“This old girl’s been around the rock a time or two. I’ve seen presidents come and go for over a century, I have seen the good and the bad,” Granny said. “I know that Rick Hughes will be a good president for this country.”